i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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