I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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