For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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