the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
