dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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