the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I will pee on everything he values.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
