his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
