oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
