Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
