I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
