dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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