She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
