If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
