we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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