I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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