And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
