Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
