dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
