I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
