hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
