god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
