We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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