people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
