Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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