I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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