Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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