Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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