I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
