I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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