I have demons in me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Less talking, more tequila
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
