Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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