i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
