i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
