While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
