i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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