we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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