batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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