The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
