You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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