I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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