He disabled his match.com account in front of me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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