Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
either way he was missing a nipple.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
