My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
