He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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