Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
