awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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