Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
