My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
