Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i think we sleep fucked last night...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
