well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
