It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
