Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
