Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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