I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
