That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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