I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
