for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
