xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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