I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My liver just had a heart attack.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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