She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
