even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
