I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
