do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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