God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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