whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
