I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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