She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
