somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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