i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
