I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
