Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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