i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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