it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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