she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
