Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
