My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
