The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
