girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
