Me too!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
