alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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