He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
