I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Blood and glitter go together right?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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