i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
