fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
