last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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